“Green New Deal” Includes Mandatory Weed Use

In the recent manifesto created by a committee led by freshman congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio Cortez, a provision has been found by the intrepid reporters at The Potato News that actually mandates Marijuana use for every American 18 and over.

The provision reads “Dude, Marijuana is a beneficial substance, and therefore should be required for use by all legal adults in the United States, regardless of race, creed, sexual perversion, height, weight, musical preference, Facebook status, and state of intoxication. Therefore, we declare that if we get the power, we will mandate daily Marijuana use, right after we ban airplanes.”

Mary J Dooby, one the authors of the manifesto, revealed the source of inspiration for the Green New Deal. “A bunch of us staffers were passing around a joint with A. O. C. [Alexandria Ocasio Cortez] when she came up with this awesome idea to screw America. We called it the Green New Deal after the weed that inspired it and the name just stuck.”

Further comments by the authors were unintelligible, as they were too high to respond coherently.

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