The Democrat Speaker of the House has revealed to our reporters in an exclusive interview that, in her opinion, the President did not even give the State of the Union speech.
“He [Trump] spoke too fluently, considering we've made him famous for having the intelligence of a 3rd grader,” Pelosi stated, then attempted to raise her eyebrows, which have suffered several botox-related injuries and didn’t move. “I was there for the [State of the Union] speech, and in retrospect, I don’t think the President was. I think he was in Moscow plotting with Vladimir Putin on how to evade our, sorry, I mean the, Mueller probe.”
When asked how he could give what seems to be a convincing in-person performance while he was physically overseas, Pelosi claimed, “He used a Russian-made hologram. Probably someone else was doing the talking. These Russians are so clever, they can do anything. For example, they even determined the outcome of an election of a country that has 4 times the population of their own. Amazing.”
Twitter is blowing up as this claim becomes more and more obviously credible, based on how many people want it to be true.
“He said things that were not in his SOTU preview, and used words that were way too big for his known vocabulary.” – Joe Schmoe, Twitter User.
The Speaker of the House expressed her hopes: “The entire world is finally realizing the filthy relationship between Putin and Trump. We metaphorically say they're in bed together, but who knows how metaphorical it really is?” – Nancy Pelosi.
CNN claims that the Democrat party will be launching an investigation sometime within the next month.
“It’s time that Trump finally gets a taste of his own medicine. Obviously, the Mueller investigation is going nowhere. It's time to launch a new one. Maybe several.” – Don Lemon
A recent MSNBC poll claims that 63 out of 80 likely voters* say that the SOTU speech was “fake
news”.
*Poll sampling consisted of 80% Democrats, 15% Communist Party members, and 5% state officials from Virginia.
"Fake news. No Russian Collusion. Witch Hunt."
-Donald J. Trump