Virginia governor Ralph Northam announces he will resign as top state executive…to run for president.
An inside look at the controversial governor’s presidential campaign.
“I have had just an incredible week. For any public figure to get this much publicity in a lifetime is a real achievement, but to get that much in a week is a blessing from heaven” stated the embattled governor. “I’ve got some real momentum here, and need to strike while the iron is hot.” When asked about his current stance on his endorsement of infanticide and blatantly racist past, the governor replied “I can think of no better place to spread my love of and expertise on unborn children, n@#&&r's, and crisis management than the presidency of the United States. Just think, we could shorten a century's work on racial progress and human rights just by changing my views alone; but if and only if the good white people who were lucky enough to not be aborted by doctors like me in this country see fit to elect me as their president.”
When asked about his recent endorsement of state legislation that would legalize killing babies who survived an abortion and had been delivered, Northam admitted that was controversial but then stated: “While I do endorse killing both born and unborn babies, I do feel like the media is making too much of a fuss over this; I think the revelation that I am a genuine racist is a much bigger and more interesting story, especially when you take into account that the only reason I am governor today is that I ran an effective ad campaign based on calling my opponent, Ed Gillespie, a blatant racist. If I were you, I’d focus on that, and of course, my decision to run for president.”
When asked if he endorsed his own lieutenant governor, Justin Fairfax, who is black, to take his place as Virginia’s next governor, Northam replied “He is a very articulate black man, but like most black men, he is a serial sexual predator, so I’m holding off on that endorsement until he proves otherwise.” When shocked reporters informed Northam that was a racist statement, he responded “Any more questions should be directed to my campaign staff. Have a nice day.”
The Potato has since learned that his staff is composed almost entirely of members of the Ku Klux Klan.
“This is fake news!” – Donald Trump.
